I watched the sun creep up this morning while watching a re-run of Set It Off on TNT. Thanks to my wonderful host family, I can now fastforward the annoying commercials.
It was wierd being awake all night but I can only attribute this to the four Coca Cola's I drank last night while cutting invitations for D. It has been fun doing it because I have allowed my own mind to wander. There was a question that was asked in the flick "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
Had you asked me this question three years ago I would have been able to spit off a list of things: house, car, law school complete, married (no kids just yet) etc. Had you asked me this question last year I wouldn't have had an answer. Scratch that, i would have had an answer it would have been "God hates me..." Now, asking me this question now, I can only think of the song "It's your time for your miracle" and say words like "happiness, contentment, love etc"
I think that we all need to get to stage where we don't measure who we are by the standards of the society we grow up in. Not measuring our happiness based on family, culture, friends, education or wealth. Measuring our happiness shouldn't even be in the equation.
I am alive. I am in love. I am loved. I am beautiful. I am sexy. I am a woman. I am a spirit. I am me! That's right! I have loved, I have lost, I have been betrayed, I have failed, I have wasted years, I have been insecure, I have been angry and hurt... but in the words of Antwone Fisher, "I'm still standing, I'm still strong..." Life hasn't broken me. Don't let life break you please
Five things I would love to say to your face ( you know who you are):
1. It sucks right now, It is unbearable and the future is uncertain
2. Please don't be like me, don't let your situation determine who you are. Don't waste days, months and years being unhappy...time lost is lost forever...
3. Don't measure yourself based on me or others you are gift, a gem and I love you
4. You are still here, you are still strong, you are still alive...you are still a blessing to me
5. I know its hard, but your miracle, your break through is on its way, hang in there Adejo--, please...keep the faith.
I am awake now. I am alive now! I refuse to allow the mirror, people and stereo-types set by the idiots in the small community I grew up in determine and dictate who I am. I am AWAKE NOW! I will get there, we will get there! Hang in there with me Adejo--, this is just another mountain, another tiger we have to tame. We got this girl! We got this!
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3 comments:
Hmmmm. I don't know if I should slap you silly or kiss you silly. Thanks for keeping me up all night you EVIL woman!!
Gary Cooley said of the "Looking Glass Self" that self awareness is almost totally obsolite in modern society and we ALL view ourselves like other's view us. It is sad really because self awareness is so important but we seem to all change depending on who we are with and the situations we are in. If this is true of sis, (if that who this is about) it is so hard to break that spell but oh, so important to find happiness in oneself and not look towards others to make it for you. Blah Blah Blah. This is where my head goes when I vacation for a week lol
welcome back to reality! How was the vacation and did I mention how jealous i was of your vacation...
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